subject line: hour 13.

 

Boston

i wish i could understand why ignoring you for twelve hours makes me so proud of myself. half of me is hoping you’ll notice how quiet i’m being & you’ll wonder what’s wrong. the other half hopes you’ll never ask & maybe you’ll never text me again & i’ll finally be able to move on & not love you with every fiber of my being.
a lot of the time i wish i could give you up. sometimes i think i’ll just move across the country & ignore you for the rest of my life until i forget that i ever needed you. but instead here i am & it is 3am & you’re giving me the longest hug & you’re saying i smell like a daisy & you’re telling me you’ll stay awake until i make it home & text you that i’m safe. & i’m practically falling down your shitty carpeted steps because i feel like i’m floating & my heart could lift me all the way up into the air with how full of love for you it is. i would spend every 7am cranky & overtired if it meant staying up until 3am with you, just curled up on the futon with you smiling down at me with those bright eyes & carefree laugh.
i will spend every day wondering why you don’t realize you love me yet. everyone sees it. your roommate thinks you know, too. deep down you have to know that it’s always going to be us. right?