subject line: glass ceiling.

 

Midwest

He asked: ‘What did you want differently from me?’

We were about 30 minutes into our conversation at a quiet coffee bar — the same number of deep breaths I took on my 2 minute walk over to sit across from him and wish that calming mug of peppermint tea I was cradling was a shot of something (anything) bitterly strong. I was sitting across from him after 5 months of not being with him for 2 years.

I said: ‘I wanted you to be patient.”

What I wished I said: ‘I want you to be patient with me — a girl who may not look like she’s pushing boundaries of what she’s capable of in a relationship with you. But know for those 2 years that girl had been sky diving out of her comfort zone while still waiting to land in a place that reminded her she had feet to hold herself up. Know that she pushed through so many new boundaries that she forgot up from down. She said goodbye to the girl who was scared of saying yes. She came up for air to realize all of these new experiences were actually helping her discover herself. Know that driving three hours alone to parallel park in a big city, taking the train by herself to confidently walk a handful of blocks to meet you by the fountain downtown was huge. She showed up, she broke her own glass ceiling, and she could still feel through your hands she held that it didn’t seem good enough. You only saw her victories as small, but know she moved mountains and planets to swallow all her anxiety and drop-in head first to show you she was in this for us.’