subject line: almost.

 

Sausalito, CA

You didn’t think I noticed. But I saw you leaving. I saw you leaving me. I tried to hold onto you. I tried so hard to keep you close to me. But maybe…maybe I held on a little too tight. Or maybe I didn’t hold on tight enough…Regardless, I lost you.
And when I lost you, I lost everything.
I lost everything that really meant anything to me. Common sense says that I should try to let you go. But I can’t. Because, it’s hard for me to let go of you. And I think it will always be hard for me. I think part of me will always want you. And I think part of me will always love you. Because I saw you. I really saw you. I saw everything that you were. I saw everything that you are. And I saw absolutely everything that I believed you could be. And when I saw that. I saw our future. When I saw that. I saw the best days of my life just waiting for me. Just waiting for us. I saw the day where I would take your last name. I saw the day where you would make me your wife. I saw the day that we would make an offer on our very first home. I saw the day where we would get the results of our first home inspection… and I saw the day where you would inspect our first home yourself. I saw the day where…just two days after moving in, you would tell me that we had to move out…because you found the slightest amount of asbestos or mold in our home. “We can’t raise our kids here” you would say. And I loved you for that. I saw the day that I held your hand as we welcomed our first miracle into this world. Our first baby. Our first love. Our first everything. I saw the day that we welcomed all of our future miracles after that. Our beautiful, beautiful babies, each just as special as our first. I saw our family on our Taco Tuesdays, our Pizza Fridays, and our Niners Sundays. I saw us laughing as we talked about who was being Santa this year. Who would eat the cookies? Who would eat the carrots for the reindeer this year? Maybe we would just throw them in the lawn? Pretend that the lawnmower got them. We will only take a bite out of them anyways. We laughed and we would write the letters to our kids from Santa and from Rudolph. You used your left hand and I laughed because you’re handwriting was still so much better than mine. I saw the day that we saw our kids walking down the aisle of their high school graduation. Of course at the top of their class (because you are so smart). And because you are perfect. And you are more than perfect to me. Because you are my perfect husband and the perfect father to our beautiful and perfect children. You mean everything to me and I will always give you the world because you deserve it and I will reach for the sun, the moon, and the stars because you deserve them too.