subject line: convenience

 

Dallas, Texas

Think big thoughts, feel deep feelings, speak clear words.

A sign I will never forget seen in the mountains of El Chalten, Argentina exactly one year ago, today. I was hiking alone and I had never been freer. Although I didn’t care to admit it, one of the forces that drove me to study abroad was the feeling of being stuck with same people. This “relationship” had lasted too long, and I felt disconnected from my friends. I hadn’t thought about you in months while I was laughing and drinking Quilmes cerveza thousands of miles away.

Until the moment I returned to the states you texted me. Like clockwork. Could you sense my powerful presence from states away? I couldn’t deny you; I never could. We went out to dinner and things felt different. The “relationship” we had was a clouded memory and the check split right down the middle didn’t spare me one emotion. I had none to spare.
Until months later you invited me to your place. A new apartment, a new bed we had never previously shared. It all felt so different until I snuck out the next morning falling into the same habits.
I want to speak clear words about this, about us, because I believe I finally have found them. We will always be convenient for each other. The same hometown. The same college. The same friends. A fun convenience that pleases both of us, whenever it suits us. If you find this email, I want you to know I care about you so deeply and I know now that should not be misplaced. I won’t let myself get hurt again, and I won’t let you take advantage of this convenience.