subject line: the nothingness

 
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stuck in the midwest

If you would have told me three years ago when I was sending in emails sobbing over my first love where I am now, that girl would have been over the moon.

Held in high regard at church, married to a handsome, kind man, two months away from graduating college, seemingly my whole life before me.

But all I feel is emptiness. I don’t leave bed for more than 15 minutes most days. My grades are beyond dismal, and my professors and supervisors are not amused. My marriage is lifeless, despite my husband’s efforts. I resigned from my leadership spot at church.

This nothingness called depression hurts so much worse than anything a damn boy could do to me.