subject line: the checklist of my life

 
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adulting, usa

At sixteen, I had the rest of my life figured out. I didn’t like unpredictability so I made a checklist to live by.
The guy. The job. The town. The people. My dream. I spent years aiming to check off the boxes.
Sixteen year old me was dismally unaware of how to “adult.” And frankly, twenty three year old me can’t figure it out either.

My teenage dream changed - the guy, the job, the town, and the people. I couldn’t check off the boxes that sixteen year old me prayed for every night before bed.

I don’t know what I want for the rest of my life. I don’t know how to know what I want.

I don’t want to check off a box on my list anymore. At sixteen, every choice I made felt like I was writing my life in pencil. And adulting feels like I’m writing my life in permanent marker.