subject line: homesick

 
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d.c.

Truly never thought I’d get homesick. I called my mom in Harris Teeter and wanted to cry just hearing her voice. I held it together until I got to the aisle with the granola bars on the top shelf, i couldn’t reach them as usual. And I literally imagined you reaching up to get them for me. I shamefully cried in the grocery store. Then I thought about how you also felt like home. You were so safe.

Falling in love with you was never my plan. I didn’t even take two looks at you when we met. At 22 you had this beautiful little girl and a failed marriage under your belt. At 23 I had never even been in a serious relationship and didn’t want kids until I was at least 30.

I still don’t remember how you charmed your way into my life. Maybe it was how funny you always made me feel. Or how much you believed in me. Or how you made me feel like I mattered.

I loved loving you. Part of me wonders if all this other stuff is even worth it. Pursing my dreams alone. It’s almost silly because I think no matter what I chose, I’d feel like I was missing something.

Why do those granola bars always have to be so high up?