subject line: lumos.

 
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Philly

I’m going to be rich soon because I’m speaking it into the universe. I don’t know what will make me rich. Maybe it will be writing. Maybe it will be art. All I know is applying to 9-5’s isn’t working out for me, and I’m a put-together type of person at face value. At face value, you don’t see that I’ve had a vicious battle with anxiety. You don’t see the times I came home and collapsed into bed and didn’t want to crawl out. I crawled out, though. Each day, I made myself leave my house. Now I’m dating someone who I’m not sure appreciates that. I think he will feel differently when I am rich, but this isn’t about him, it’s about me. Did you know that being wealthy and being happy are directly correlated up until a certain income? I think it’s around $70,000. I’m going to have $68,000. Soon. The self help books are helping. The cataloguing is beginning. The support systems are showing up. I am so tired. I come home and collapse into my bath tub twice a week now, and my muscles all feel a sweet release. My body is grateful I have stopped using it for the day. So that’s what keeps me going these days. That tub. It’s a lot better than the old days when the thing that kept me going was a beer or five after work each night. I am waking up early now. And if you aren’t at the point where you get up before noon, I just want to say to you, that it is really hard. I have been there time and again. This is the first time in my life where I can appreciate my life has been an uphill battle, and I can take more. I can dream of more. I can have more. It’s also the first time in my life where I can see all of the things that I have wished into my life that the universe has delivered. A quality education. A decent apartment. A healthier diet than the one I was raised with. A cat. A group of relatively succesful friends. A boy who is in love with me and encourages me. I’m not turning back now.