subject line: it turns out, moving on kinda sucks.

 
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Cambridge, Massachusetts

I’ve only ever heard people talk about “moving on” in regards to romantic relationships that have come and gone. I had no idea until this year that that phrase could mean so much about friendships too. two of my best friends moved away this year- one back to Seattle, one back to Oxford. I told myself that we’d stay close, and honestly I think the love is still there, but it’s painful, to think about them. it hurts to miss them. it hurts more because they’ve both always been so bad at texting and calling back, even when we lived ten minutes away and saw each other three times a week. now we barely talk at all, and a single word from either of them can make my week. month, maybe.

I don’t believe discomfort and pain should be avoided at all costs but when it feels pointless, it’s hard not to resent it. and when I think about them, or see a photo of one of them, I am reminded that they are two of the most wonderful, splendid people I’ve ever met, and I’m torn between two painful places: praying and hoping that I’ll miss them less- that I’ll move on, essentially, if they’re not going to try as hard as I am; and knowing that I want to be a part of their lives forever and that life without them is a less colorful existence. so the question becomes: which is sadder? playing a depressing sort of tag with people who aren’t stopping to be caught, or “moving on” and letting them slip out of my life and maybe, maybe, someday missing them less?