subject line: an apology.

 

Between the Lines

To the love of my life, I’m sorry that the only thing I want to do is move out of the state. I’m going to miss you and my family and my beautiful city more than anything I’ve ever missed, but I just can’t bring myself to be the girl who never leaves home. I’m sorry that I can’t stay. I’m sorry that my dream college is three time zones away, I’m sorry that you don’t get to have a say in this.

A part of me hopes you actually find this email. It’s all the words that I can’t bring myself to say to you in person. Because if I try to say them, you start asking me to tell you why I can’t stay, get a degree near home, keep my job. And I don’t have an answer for that. It’s not so much that I can’t stay, it’s more that I can’t not go.

What am I saying. I haven’t even gotten into the dream college yet. Why do I always feel like I need to write apologies for things that haven’t even happened yet?