subject line: language barriers.

 

Tennessee

How do you love someone and leave them in the same breath? It’s been nine months of fighting for each other and learning to love and letting myself become vulnerable. He’s held my hand and waited for me to speak when my courage was broken on the floor. He’s never once considered leaving my disaster. And yet, I can’t find anything we have in common. No one thing that holds us together.

I’m full of a whirlwind of passion and creativity and all I want in life is to make everything I feel and see and experience into something I can touch. I just want to hold everything and hear it whisper. It’s more than something I do. It’s who I am. He’s the opposite of all of that. And I don’t know that he is ever going to be able to speak that language with me.
And everyday I wonder if that’s what I want. To be loved, but never understood.

And then he shows up with flowers and a kiss on the cheek and that ridiculously adorable smile and I wonder all over again. When he thanks me for not leaving I want to cry. Because I love him so much, but I can’t promise that I will be here tomorrow. I can’t promise that, because it would be a lie.
And I think I hate that the most: that I sit here and let him believe I’m here for the long haul because I can’t find the courage to speak.