subject line: wandering

 

Wisconsin

3 years ago today I got the tattoo “Not all who wander are lost” on my foot. At the time I thought that it would mean something to those around me as I watched some of my best friends in college spiral down into a very depressed state. Three years ago I got that tattoo for them.
Today I read “You’re there in my wondering and in my wandering” as well as received a gift from one of those friends a tshirt with “wander with purpose.” Isn’t it crazy how life sometimes comes full circle. Today I am the one wandering in a desert place. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since high school and now as a 27 year old professional I was blindsided by the stress, anxiety, and depression that has crept into my life. I am a wanderer. Somehow in the midst of passing my boards and landing my fellowship I have lost sight of who I am. I became my board exam. I became my job hunt. Now I’ve done both of those things and I’m trapped. I feel so alone in this place. My fellowship is up next year and I have no idea what I’m going to do... today this tattoo means that even though I’m wandering and I feel like I’ve lost my way, doesn’t mean I don’t have purpose. But right now I’m really struggling. So I’m reaching out to a community of people who I have seen grow in the most beautiful way. IYFTE has become my save haven. A place where I read these words that I feel but don’t have the eloquence to put them out there on the internet. So here I am. Reaching out to a group of complete strangers, asking “What should I do?”