subject line: tomato tears

 

Rocky Top, Tennessee

I cried over an uneaten tomato tonight. How low do you have to be to cry over a tomato, you ask?

Heartbreak comes in different forms as we each go through life. For some, it comes from a broken relationship. Others, it may be from a failed career. Nowadays, I don’t find those to be heart-shattering anymore. At the time, I thought it was the worst pain I’d ever suffered, and it probably was. However, I’ve learned that you’ll encounter a myriad of new relationships and more job opportunities will come your way, but the true heartbreak comes from the things you can’t get back.
Tonight, my heart truly broke over an uneaten tomato. The man in my life I love most couldn’t even bear to eat of the first fruits of his labor. His favorite food that he’s been meticulously grooming for harvest for months had it’s first ripe crop, and his stomach couldn’t take it. This man has worked harder than anyone I know for his entire life—never ceasing to provide for his family: financially, physically and spiritually. For months, I’ve watched him cripple under the weight of an illness there is no cure for. Watching the one you love suffer day after day is by far the worst punishment imaginable next to suffering that fate yourself.This is heartbreak.
Heartbreak is when you can’t enjoy a meal when you know the person beside you can’t eat it. Heartbreak is shedding tears over a tomato that was left uneaten. Heartbreak is taking him on his dream vacation and 3 days in you watch him be life-flighted to the nearest hospital. Heartbreak is crying with every prayer you lift up to your Heavenly Father for your precious father on earth. Heartbreak is thinking it might be easier to lose him just so he no longer has to suffer. Heartbreak is an all-consuming helplessness unfazed by your body’s feeble attempts to sew it back together.

I’ve heard just about every heartbreak song out there, but none of them quite capture its true essence. Ben Rector and Dave Barnes come close with their somber “When a Heart Breaks” ballads. I used to love these songs and their lyrics made me feel like someone understood my feeble heartbreak. Now, it feels like there aren’t any songs that can tell you what a heartbreak feels like because there aren’t any words out there to describe it. It’s funny how you think a stupid boy can break you heart, but an uneaten tomato can rip your heart into a million pieces and you realize the boy only left a scratch.
Here’s my request if this email gets posted. If you have a heartbreak song, and I mean a true, honest-to-goodness, heart-wrenching song, let’s hear it. Music is my only reprieve next to the ice cream I’m spooning into my mouth. I hope none of you have to suffer this heartbreak.