subject line: I miss you more


Ocean Ridge

dear you,

if you find this email... i guess i just need you to know that i never meant for it to go that far. the whole time i was thinking that i never wanted to hurt you, so much so that i never even considered the possibility of you hurting me. and to the girls crying over boys in their beds, know that one day you could be the girl in theirs. and it still isn’t easier.

because the fact is that i do care about you. a year later and no call, you show up thirty minutes away from where im vacationing. call it fate or destiny or whatever other words we use to romanticize life, but you showed up. it was only then that i realized you had never stopped showing up since two springs ago. even when the flowers wilted and the leaves fell. thank you for that.

im sorry that this morning—when i came out of my room and you out of yours—i didn’t say what i should have. I didn’t say anything at all, actually. im sorry that you didn’t either. im sorry that sometimes people who can talk forever without getting tired of the other lose their voices when their hearts start screaming. im sorry for that most of all.

and no, i don’t have some life altering conclusion from writing this letter. it was just a need-to-know email.

so, dear you,

here’s what you need to know:

1. im sorry things went so far
2. i would really like it if you kept showing up
3. you’re pretty great
4. maybe im really not that sorry at all, because
5.if you want my heart, you can take it.

that girl who left your bed