subject line: and suddenly, every Taylor Swift song was about you

 

New York

I think it hurts so bad because you were the first guy I actually crawled through the mud with. We were in it for real. My eating disorder. Your mom’s death. We were in the thick of it all, and we were good. We were there. We showed up. No one had ever showed up for me like that before, and I think that showing up felt a lot like falling in love.

I spent 6 months falling in love with you. I thought you spent 6 months falling in love with me.

But you didn’t.

The end came too quickly. A text. “Were we on a date?” “We weren’t.”

We weren’t.

We weren’t anything. It was all nothing. I spent 6 months falling in love with nothing.

6 months later, and this still hurts like hell. I miss the nothing that we were. And I hate that I miss it. I hate that there’s nothing to miss. I’m mourning a disappearing act.

I am scared that I’ll never find anything again.

We were something. And then we weren’t. And suddenly, every Taylor Swift song was about you.