subject line: when he doesn't text back

 

Pennsylvania

Message: I have been single for three years. Three years full of days when I only texted my mom, three years of no goodnight kisses, three years of convincing myself I am enough. Three years is a long time and I’ve become an expert in self love. So when I was asked on a date, I thought I was ready. As I contained the nauseous feeling as I walked through the restaurant, I told myself I was ready for this, ready for a man to buy me dinner and tell me I looked pretty. Ready for a man to walk me to my car and tell me he had a good time.

But I wasn’t ready for him to not text me back. To give me no reply. To leave me wondering where it went wrong.

So next time I’ll be stronger. Next time I won’t think ahead to our first kiss. Next time I won’t brainstorm our wedding hashtag.

I guess this is a learning opportunity. But I’m honestly sick of learning and it is hard. But I’ll keep my head down. I’ll listen to the Galentines playlist and read blogs on singleness.

One day he will text me back. One day I will text my mom about a second date. One day I’ll teach my daughter about learning lessons the hard way and that she really is enough.