subject line: what do you want from me?


Tubsy, Washington

We’ve been friends since we were fifteen.
I guess that means a lot. I know so much about you, have seen and done so much with you.
I can’t wear a flannel without thinking of you. Hell, I think I have some of your flannels. And every sweater you own was chosen by me. Everyone who has an orange construction vest on reminds me of you. Your house smells like black tea. Remember when we drove out on the backroads and the sunlight was flitting through trees and the windows were down and everything was good? There was a time when we hated each other. A time when we grew even closer too. I’ve got necklaces from you, flowers pressed between the pages of poems, coffee stains on my last journal, a scar on the bottom of my foot from that hike we took ten years ago. You’re in the creases of my life–there’s no denying it, no backing out now.
We promised ourselves to each other. We’re stuck with one another.

Then she came along.

Three weeks ago you told me you got a girlfriend.
You kept her hidden. Why did you do that? We never hide anything from each other. I guess that means a lot. Maybe we aren’t who we promised ourselves we would be. Maybe we’re not stuck together.
But we are.

Because you called me yesterday and asked me to coffee. And I’ll go this afternoon and we’ll laugh and run around and we’ll talk a little bit about her but mostly about life and you’ll put your arm around my shoulders at some point and look at me with those blue eyes like you have for the past ten years and damn it all.

I’m in love with you.
I guess this means nothing.