subject line: a night changed

 

Nashville

Tonight we laid in bed. We looked at each other with lovestruck eyes and knew what was trying to happen. Preparing for a night of marriage after a long week. But my anxiety had other plans.

Instead of feeling connected to my husband I was connected to my failures. The week started replaying in my head, amplifying all the ways I messed up. At work, at life, as a wife. See what they don’t tell you is that love can increase your anxiety. When you live with someone who seems so perfect- it can crash your mind like a computer virus- making the screen go blurry until it shuts down.

He could tell it was happening. He could see the drifting off of my eyes and the wheels in my head churning.

What started out as a night with high expectations of bliss ended with an attack of tears. But he didn’t get mad, he held me. He told me the words I needed to hear. He satisfied my need for words of affirmation. He just kept listing all the ways I’m succeeding when my brain tells me the opposite.

Marry the person who cares about your heart more than they want to get laid.