subject line: tonight, I am afraid to miss you

 

San Diego

We met at an airport. We were boarding our connecting flight. We were the last ones of the group. My first thought “I like his smile, he looks really cute.” We talked and so many parts of you feel like coming home. Two weeks ago I met your family and completely fell in love with them. On that drive back from seeing them, I stayed quiet for a moment. You said, “This feels so normal, I feel like we could do this for the rest of our lives.” And I agreed. When we go to church & to Taco Bell & grocery shopping & pray on the freeway & when we hug & kiss or we watch Netflix...I feel like I could do that for the rest of my life. I want to do that for the rest of my life. And I just pray, I pray God allows me to do that. You are everything I didn’t know God wanted for me and everything I didn’t know I needed. On the best days, I believe that you will be my best friend forever, and on nights like tonight I am afraid to my core that I’ll lose you. I am afraid that my dream of holding your hand through life, of praying through life forever with you will be thrown away. I am so afraid. But in those moments of stillness, in the little ones, I realize. I want to smile at you for the rest of my days. Your voice is the one I want to listen to for the rest of my life, your lips the ones I want to kiss, the hugs I want to hold on to. Your smell the one I want to come home to. The hand I want to hold when I pray. The man I want to learn. The one I want to talk to, and compromise with, ask & receive forgiveness from, honor & respect for the rest of my life. He is the promise I want to thank God for, for eternity.