subject line: I never knew you liked me


Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

See here’s the thing. I don’t think I’m exactly happy yet. Getting out of a funk doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t happen in a week. Or a month. Or 5 or 6 or two years.

I just saw that you’re at one of my favorite bars doing shots with some of my favorite people, and I know if I texted you I could be there right with you. I know you would kiss me. I know you would take me home to your sweet, sweet dog, and it always takes me a second these days to remember why I hesitate now to go to a place I used to rush to. I used to live for our Fridays together. I remember the first time we kissed, you said, “I knew you liked me.”

And then I remember that when I told you my friend died, you didn’t really care. You told me the generic words that were generic and you said that if I needed you, you would be there, but you weren’t. My friend died, and it changed my life, and you weren’t there.

I’m pretty damn sure that’s how you fall out of love with someone. If I could write a how to guide, that would be it for me. I wouldn’t recommend the method. But it’s 10/10, 100 and more percent effective. I used to think we would walk down the aisle together, and now I’m just wondering if you’ll ever value my life more than you value that burning feeling in your throat.