subject line: this is it

 

OKC

Love is choosing someone over and over again (even when it isn’t comfortable). It’s showing up when showing up doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

”Don’t tell me you love me unless you’re prepared to choose me and to show up”

I’d say those words until I was blue in the face. Now there’s a boy who is consistently choosing me, he chose me when I didn’t choose him. I’m 20 years old, sitting in my car at my university, deciding whether to drop out or go to class, and in the middle of all of that I can’t stop thinking about how he chooses me.

I broke his heart three years ago, he disappeared for a bit, and now he’s back and he’s trusting me with his heart and nothing has ever felt more right or more peaceful.

I think that’s how you know someone is it, when they feel like home. I’m bad about over-romanticising everything, but I swear when my head is on his chest that’s the only home I ever want to know.

He’s steady and peaceful and I’m chaotic and everywhere.

When I’m next to him I don’t question whether or not he loves me, I know he does, he shows me every single day. Instead, I keep thinking “this is it. this is him.”

There are guys still out there that will text you at 2am just to tell you “you’ll get this in the morning: I love you” and not to send the 2am “im lonely” text that makes you feel dirty afterward.