subject line: all I couldn't say



You have no idea the many conversations I’ve had with you inside my head telling you exactly how I feel but you come around and I forget all the big important things I need to say. The ones where I tell you how you make me feel and the ones where I’m brave enough to ask what you want from me and the ones where I tell you this is nothing like what I thought it would be. But you come around with your perfectly crafted apologies that so easily lead me to believe this is right and I’m once again stuck between what I’ve always wanted and the reality of what I’ve gotten myself into, with no one to blame but myself for forgetting what’s most important. You think we’re fine and don’t have the slightest clue how badly I want to tell you that I think we messed this up and this isn’t what I wanted and I’m not sure you are what I want. And maybe one day my pride and dignity can convince my mouth to say the words my body aches to tell you, but for now I’ll tell anyone else that will listen, everyone else reading my email.