subject line: slowly, but surely

 

Greensboro, North Carolina

You will meet him when you are 25 and when your life doesn’t fully make sense. He will love you completely and you won’t understand why.
You’ll ask him seriously, at least three times a week, “why do you love me?” And he’ll answer through a laugh, “Because I just do”. And, what he won’t realize is that you’re not joking. You want to know. Because you don’t understand.

You don’t understand what he sees or what he feels or what he thinks when he looks at you because when you look at you, you don’t think you deserve someone like him. You can’t believe in his love even when he’s next to you every single night and he’s saying “I love you”, so sweetly and sincerely.

You will start to notice the patterns, the way you push him away. Not because of him, but because of you. You will notice the ways your heart plays tricks on your mind, the way your lack of worth and love for yourself spills over into every conversation, every kiss, every moment with him, and you will want to change. You will want to get to the core of who you are and why you feel so broken. You won’t want to lose him. And eventually, the day will come. Slowly, but surely, it will arrive - it always does when you try to love yourself, when you try to beat your mind. You will take a leap, you will trust him. You will become more and more aware of how you held yourself back from happiness. You will learn to regard yourself with love and kindness and you will believe in your own worthiness. You will think you are piecing yourself back together, but you will then realize you were never fractured. And, soon, you will let yourself feel his love as completely as he has been giving it for years. You will be able to accept the love he has because you accept your own love.