subject line: enough about the boys in the beds


west coast

To the girls writing about the boys in their beds,
Enough already. Enough.
The boy in your bed is exactly that... a boy. He is immature and uncommitted and leaves you worse off than you were before. But you already know that. Why do you need a stranger to tell you that? I’m shocked and saddened and straight up angry that there are so many of you in the same situation. My heart is literally breaking for you girls, but I’m going to be blunt here, it’s a little bit your fault. You’ve let the lies of society creep into your soul until you slowly accepted these lies as truth, and here we are. Looking for love in all the wrong places. Happiness, fulfillment, purpose, meaning, love.... whatever you’re searching for? I can tell you with certainty that the answer to your search is not a boy in your bed. And yeah, I KNOW you’ve heard this before but please, please, please. Hear me out again.
I want you to know that Real Men exist. Yes, I capitalized that. It’s important, and important things get capitalized. Sometimes a Real Man looks like he just spent a week in the mountains. Sometimes he looks smart and spiffy and ready to light up the dance floor at a wedding. Sometimes he looks like he forgot to put sunscreen on his nose. Sometimes he looks like he just woke up... I could go on, but that’s not the point.
The point is this. Real Men exist. They are the ones who open the door for you, cheer for you, tell you how lovely you are and how alive you make them feel. They care for you on rough days, they want to meet your family, they want to be friends with your friends. A Real Man is the one people are drawn to by his nature, because he’s trustworthy. A Real Man is loyal. He doesn’t end up in girls’ beds for one night, or one hundred nights, not until that girl knows without a doubt that he’s in love with her. And how will she know he loves her? First of all, he’ll show her. He’ll love her through every action. And secondly, he’ll tell her. He will not play games. He will not manipulate. He will not toy with her heart. He will be honest and transparent and bold.
When you find him, you’ll know he’s a Real Man before you find him in your bed.
I just want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you and tell you that the boy in your bed? He doesn’t deserve you. You are amazing, and beautiful, and your soul sparkles, and he doesn’t deserve you. You are kind, and passionate, and intelligent, and sensitive, and brave, and sweet as a peach, and he doesn’t deserve you. You are already loved, already cherished, already valued, already worthy, already whole, already wonderful... and there is nothing a boy in a bed is going to do to change that.
Stop settling for a boy and hold out for Real Man.