subject Line: the ballad of love and manipulation.


orlando, florida

“I love you more than anything. I am willing to deal with you and your anxiety over whether you can trust me every day. I would rather have you this way, completely anxiety ridden over whether I am being honest than not have you at all. I can put up with that. That is how much I love you.”

Tell me, is that love? Have I been wrong this whole time? Because if I am being frank, that’s not love. Love is not watching someone drown in anxiety due to the actions you have made. It’s been 9 months of back and forth. 9 months of lie after lie. 9 months of me not taking care of myself because I believed you actually loved me.

I learned something today though. You don’t know what love is. You throw the word “love” around like it’s nothing. But it’s not nothing. Love is beautiful and patient and kind and freeing and hopeful and honest. Love is everything.

I will not give you everything anymore. Because I would rather have an empty bed than share a bed with someone who only loves me when it is convenient. I’d rather be alone than be with somebody who can’t differentiate love and possession. I’d rather walk alone than walk beside somebody who can’t stay the course. I would rather fall in love myself than ever love you again.

PS: If you think this is about you, it most likely is. Good riddance, bud.