subject line: to find love in this world full of people

 

New Jersey

A 50 year old brain in the body of a 22 year old who has the heart of a 5 year old: I am a mystery, to myself and to others. Most people think they have me figured out, but all of them have a different story to tell; while some seem to think I am way to mature for my years, some laugh at how I will never grow up to act my age, some see me as a confident, independent girl ready to grab every opportunity by it’s reins, while some, albeit very few have seen my most vulnerable insecurities. I have ended up being the open ended poem where each person is left to draw their own opinion. I meanwhile am still trying to solve this mystery, who am I and what am I destined to be? All I know now, is that I am adored by many, but never am I the most loved, I am surrounded by friends and yet unfathomably alone. I tear myself up trying to figure out, why no one has fallen in love with me? I have loved, given and lost, meaningless relationships have ensued and been pursued, but never love.

I am the 90’s alternative rock girl, who’s lock screen is the Beatles but who is in love with Kishore Kumar’s songs. I want someone to share my love of Al Pacino and Amitabh Bachchan movies, dance under the rain and talk and write take the absolutely random 3 AM trip to Times Square, go out to a diner just so we can have breakfast for dinner, be romantic like Hugh Grant and Shah Rukh Khan, be in love with me enough to talk to me in song lyrics and movie lines, write poetry for me just as I know I would write for him in short, be just as helplessly in love with me as I am with him. And all these points point to one thing: I am very difficult to fall in love. with. No body wants to be in love with someone who has such a lofty imagination. And maybe if you are reading this email, I just need reassurance that it’s not that hard, and there is someone, somewhere who will rush in. Fools rush in don’t they?