subject line: something like this happens to someone like me...sometimes...this is the first time

 

Michigan 

In response to “We Keep Locking Eyes”:

The day your email was posted, there was a boy in my bed. The day that you sent in your email, the very things you said were my reality. And that night is still playing out over and over and over again in my head.

It’s been almost two weeks since that night, and sometimes I still have trouble convincing myself that he was actually there, because, well, it doesn’t really make sense that he was. He graduated, I’m still in school. He lives at home with his parents, he’s working a real job, he loves Jesus, he KNOWS Jesus, he knows how to talk to God. Yet here I am, still in school, staying another semester even after this year and feeling sorry for myself about that, not sure what or where my faith is, how to talk to God right now, or how to talk to anyone really.

Basically, we seem like polar opposites. I’m pretty sure any of his good friends – who are also some of my good friends – would give me a big “NO-NO” if I told them that I was falling for him, and falling hard.

Yet he texted me that night. And he wanted to see me. So we all went out – meaning him and me and my roommates. And then we all ended up back at our house, on the kitchen floor, eating chips and salsa. And, well, I think I maybe said 5 words on that kitchen floor, because I tend to lose my voice in a group like that – I get overpowered. And then we all went to bed, him in our guest bed. Yet somehow, he ended up in my bed halfway through the night.

And that point you made – “He comes from privilege, and I’m fighting battles he doesn’t understand.” Fuck. That is me and him summed up into one perfect sentence.

To be honest, I don’t know much about his home life, his childhood. But I am learning, slowly, and I know it wasn’t the childhood I came from. Compared to mine, it WAS privilege. And right now, there are a lot of battles going on in my head – a lot of battles that a lot of people don’t know about. But he’s the first person I actually want to talk to about those battles and those demons, which is a huge step.

So why was he in my bed? Why me, out of the literally hundreds of people that he knows, and the hundreds of girls that pined over him for his four years of college, none of whom he ever dated? I don’t know – it’s kind of fucked up, and I’ve been asking myself every day since it happened it if really did happen. But I guess all that matters at this point is that I finally understand that something like this happens to someone like me every once in a while; the guy you fall hard for, finally falls hard for you.