subject line: I can't say it.

 

Oregon

I’ve been in love with my best friend for over two years now. We’ve been friends for a long time, since we were little, but it took me forever to admit to myself that I love him.
And now I can’t tell anyone. I don’t know what to say.
I almost told my other best friend the other morning. We were messaging one another back and forth like we normally do, talking about life and food and the colder air, and I just wanted to write it to her. “I like him,” I wanted to write. “I like him so much it hurts.”
But I couldn’t. I must have typed that line every five seconds, but I always deleted it. I never sent it.
I almost told my older sister tonight. We were standing in the kitchen and everyone was so happy and I knew they all just wanted me to be happy too. I wanted to whisper to her, “I think I love him.” I wanted to ask her what I should do. I wanted her to smile and get excited that I was finally in love.
But I couldn’t do it. The words just stayed, silently written on my lips.