subject line: poor cycles August 05, 2016 by Hannah Brencher FLorida I could say that I’m trying to be okay. But when I think about it for a solitary moment, my thoughts begin to make me honest again. I’m not trying. I’m just kind of sitting…in my mess, wishing I was okay but not really trying because trying would mean effort and I’m pretty bone dry empty of that stuff right now. “Maybe later”, “let’s hangout soon”, “I’ll text/call you”, “I miss you too”, “I’m unfortunately busy”, “Something came up and I can’t make it”… The head of lines of my life to everyone close to me and anyone trying to be. I’ve let sleep become my fortress as I sink back into the bed sheets “just once more,” I tell myself. And then once more again until it’s been a month and I’m still making plans, cancelling them and avoiding anything that requires effort.My wardrobe consists of gym clothes that are hardly worked out in and dresses with a comfort level equivalent to a night gown. I couldn’t recall to you the last time that I was honest with myself or anyone about my hearts condition. I could call it a season or I could call it a poor cycle.. I’m leaning more towards the latter these days.