subject line: the way I hold you in my chest


New York

Some days just have you thinking about life, and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. Isn’t it crazy how a few years change so many things inside you? So much you realize.

So many things back then, about that church, and just all the messed up ways we were treated and taught to think. Sometimes I feel like we didn’t even really have a fair chance. I don’t think life or God, gives you just one “right” person, and while we may have been right for a while, I truly believe that for who we are now, we found the right people for us. But I do hope that when you think back on those days, you remember the good at the heart of who we were, who I was. Those nights watching the stars for hours on that dirt road. That poem I wrote you right after I met you. When you told me you loved me so quick that June. When you prayed for me and I knew my body shifted, and all those years of grief melted off and healed. There was so much that was good, and that was right about what we wanted for ourselves, for our lives and for God. We just couldn’t find our way to it then.