subject line: wishin' and hopin' and dreamin'

 

ATL

It is scary to want things. Is there anything that makes you more vulnerable than really, truly wanting something?

I want to become an author. And I want it like I want air. It is sustaining. It’s a dream, but it’s so vital to who I am and who I want to become and how I spend every day. Every single day, I am just making an investment for this as-yet imaginary future life.

And it scares me to want something this badly, because oh, how it will hurt if I don’t get it.

But maybe if I didn’t want it so badly, I wouldn’t be able to work for it. The dream wouldn’t outweigh the fear if the dream were not so huge, so much a part of me.

When I feel the fear of failure, the enormity of the process, the pressure of all of it get to me, I imagine my future author self, looking over to me through some space-time continuum, saying, “Keep chasing it, babe. Don’t give up. Go after your dream. You’ll get here. You’ll get here.”