subject line: this feels too kitschy.

 

on a yoga mat getting sidetracked

I kind of feel like this is the renaissance of a year long slump of my life, and I don’t really want to get into details. It just feels so good to breathe again.

It took me a little too long, but I realized a boy doesn’t need to dictate my weekend plans. He doesn’t need to be the first one I look for on my Instagram feed. I’m tired of being completely infatuated with someone who can barely talk to me sober.

It took me a little too long, but I’m finally figuring out how to work the job that I want to.

It took me a little too long, but I’m finally learning that the hard conversations don’t need to be postponed. I don’t need to sit there and let them keep me up at night. All I need to do is pick up the phone.

It took me a little too long to realize that beer might be a relaxing way to end my night, but it doesn’t solve my day time problems. Now i end my nights with tea.

It took me a little too long to feel okay with being alone. Today I ditched a date because I wasn’t interested in the guy. Normally there’s some piece of my hear that’s like “but what if I’m being too judgy and he’s the one.” But now I’m realizing that sometimes it’s okay to just go with my gut. I have shit to do for myself in the meantime.

It took me a little too long, but now I’m really loving the times I get to spend talking to my Mom on the phone.

It took me a little too long to realize I’ll probably never be cool. Okay, I knew I probably would never be cool. It took me a little too long, but I’m finally realizing that there’s serious nerd power that isn’t to be underestimated. Ever since I started to be okay with that, I’ve started to make more friends who think I’m cool. They see my nerd power.

It took me a little too long, but now I don’t hesitate to answer when people ask me about my sexuality. I put the “B” in lgBtq, and I put the “B” in Bitch when people have an issue with that.

It took me a little too long, but I realized that there’s a difference between being assertive and being mean. I realized I don’t have to apologize about the things that I want to be assertive about. I realized that passion exists for a reason.

It took me a little too long, but I realized I was lucky to be in love once or twice. I used to sit there and think maybe my ex would come back swinging for round two. Now I don’t want him to. Milkshakes melt. People change.

So now I’m having some type of Renaissance. Hell, it might only last a week. But if it does, then I need to believe that one week of being able to breathe a little easier can make a difference in the way I carry myself for the rest of my life. So that, without apology, is what I am going to believe.