Subject line: God, I'm listening.

 

la

Last August I wrote an email about being broken by all the rejections I’ve endured from colleges for the past four years and how terrified I was to try again. Well, long story short I put myself out there again, I convinced myself that maybe things would be different this time around, but I was wrong. This morning I received my fifteenth rejection, my fifteenth. I wish I could comprehend their reasoning. If my GPA is not the problem, maybe the problem is me. Maybe I am not good enough, maybe I’ll never be what they want me to be. It breaks my heart, because this is all I’ve ever wanted and somehow I just can’t seem to achieve it. I get that things happen for a reason, and I am not upset with God about closing yet another door. I just want to know what God wants for my life, where he wants me to go, who he wants me to become. I don’t want to go through this anymore, I don’t have the strength. God, I need you to know that I’m listening, I’m here, I’m listening, please answer me.