Subject Line: there are no Yahoo answers for this.

 

brooklyn

I recently read a Yahoo question about a girl who had faked her own death in this elaborate unfolding of events and she was asking the community what her next step should be. I thought “wow, Internet, you really cover it all, don’t you?”

Yesterday I spent forty-five minutes on Google searching variations of “how to ask if he is sleeping with other people after having an undetermined relationship status yet ongoing sexual relationship for five months.” Surprisingly, nothing applicable came up. I mostly found message boards detailing shorter term relationships where there had not yet been intercourse or they had hooked up a couple of times,and the replies were all “ALWAYS HAVE THIS DISCUSSION BEFORE HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.” Thanks, Internet, but that ship has sailed. There were also boards about asking for exclusivity, but I’m not sure that exactly fits my situation, either. Not that I don’t want to be exclusively his, because I very badly wish for that, but I more importantly do not want to pressure him just because of how I feel. I want to have an open conversation about our feelings. How’s that for an opener? A little heavy.

I’m starting to draw parallels with that girl who had faked her death. She’d gotten herself into a strange narrative and needed a way out that she couldn’t herself come up with. The best she could do was crawl out of the closet she was stuffed in and sneak out through the window, the way I lay there with my arms around him, mouth agape ready to ask the hard stuff and instead blurt out about a video I saw of bears playing in a hammock that reminded me of him. But that anecdote doesn’t say plainly “I think about you all the time, and I wonder if every thing you see that makes you smile makes you think of me, too.”