subject line: lost in milano.

 

milan, italy

I thought that I made the right choice choosing to study grad school abroad. I wanted a big opportunity, to find myself, to get a chance to find a job that would help me give something back to my family, I wanted to make them proud. But the couple of months that I’ve been here I’ve lost myself. I don’t have dreams anymore, nothing here is what I expected, the people are cold and uncaring. Nobody understands. I’ve never been so lonely in my life. I miss my friends, my family, my community, my culture. I feel so alone around so many people. Everything that I try here goes wrong, I want to go back home but I can’t. I have to make it, I have to be strong, I have to do this for my family, but I just want to be happy and smile again for real. I rather be poor around people I love. I hate it here, I need to go, I’m dying a little bit every day. I don’t know if I’ll make it. I don’t know if I’ll survive. Maybe if I’ll lose so much of myself I won’t be able to recognize myself anymore. I pray everyday and nothing changes. I really hope God answers my prayers.