subject line: peace be with you.

 

houston

M,

I want to say thank you. Thank you for that time you fixed that weird noise outside my window. I want to thank you for increasing my alcohol tolerance so that I am not quite as basic. Thank you for trying your very best. Thank you for the times you did make me laugh and the things you did teach me.Thank you for challenging me to read things I might not have read on my own. Thank you for loving people well with me. Thank you for showing me the ways I need to be supported mainly by the ways that you couldn’t.

Sweet M, the best gift you gave me was letting go. Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for breaking up with me. It hurt both of us a lot. But I think it was a beautiful gift. I hope big, beautiful things for you, preacher boy. I hope you find what you are looking for-

And after a lot of thought, I suppose our love was tragedy, but thank God that you don’t have to be my remedy.
I am blessed with the One who walks through the rocky bits with me and as I move through the pain of dealing with rejection and recognizing my own brokenness.
I am sorry for the ways I hurt you, M.
I am sorry for the ways I suffocated you with my desire to fix you.
I will never regret loving you because love is a gift and you deserve to be loved, but I deserve to be loved too and you couldn’t really do that very well... I hope and pray that one day you will heal enough to be able to love people because its a glorious thing even when it doesn’t work out.

And now a whiskey toast and blessing to my favorite whiskey preacher.
May God who is above all and in all and through all give you the grace to walk in freedom and truth, may he surround you with people who can help you combat the darkness, may He speak words of truth over you, and may He give both of us more than we can ask for or even imagine. He’s good at that.

Love always,
R