subject line: A love letter to someone named "New York City."

 

anywhere other than new york city

My whole life, I’ve dreamed of going to New York City.

I have imagined countless times what it would be like to look up and see so many street lights that it blends into the night sky itself, to have conversations with people from countries that I have never even heard of before, to take a stroll in Central Park and place myself in a scene straight out of a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode. I crave walking the streets and feel so much energy and hope and restlessness that it paints the city in a near-euphoric cloud. My heart yearns for the adventure and possibilities that seem to take up residence in New York City.

My whole life, I’ve dreamed of going to New York City, and every time I visit in my dreams I fall harder in love with a picture that only exists in my mind.

I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now, and he is everything steady. He is the quiet and stillness that comes with calling a place home. He is 11 p.m suburbian streets - quiet and safe, other than the rare moments of youthful rebellion. He is safe, and strong, and predictable, but still my heart dreams of New York City.

I should want a life with Suburbia Boy. I should want the security of a picket fence home and the feeling of goodwill that comes with choosing an eco-friendly car, and the type of stress-free life that comes with a restful 8 hours of sleep per night. But every time I picture that life, I want to run farther away from something that has yet to become a reality. He is stillness of suburbian streets and I am an insomniac who belongs in the city that never sleeps.

I think that I’m worried that it’s not actually about New York. That I don’t actually need it as much as I need someone who makes every place feel like New York City. I don’t crave the thrill of the city as much as I crave the person who gives me a thrill with every look. I’m looking for an adventure and I don’t know if his name is New York - all I know is he’s not in the suburbs.