subject line: the trifecta.


boston, massachusetts.

To the ones that got away,

I think about you, mostly when I’m driving and sometimes right before I fall asleep. I wonder what life would be like if I had waited, waited for you to be ready for the love I had to give. Sometimes I stare at my engagement ring and pretend that it’s from you. From either of you but not from him. There would be adventure, laughter, and chemistry.

Some say settling is for the weak. I think it’s for the brave. To be brave enough to move on from both of you and find the strength to love again. You are thousands of miles away. And you are moving across the country. I thought the distance would help me put you in the past but it’s only pushed you to the forefront, making me acutely aware of the happiness I am lacking.

I remember swing sets. And dart boards. Basement kisses. And red wine kisses. I remember curling up in both of your arms and waking up the morning after. I remember it all.

Part of me wants to stray from the path I’m on and choose. Only one. Who would it be? The man I am engaged to be married to or one of the men who stole my heart in the beginning? If I asked you to drop everything and be with me, would you? I couldn’t bear the chance that you’d say no.

So for now, how lucky am I to love three men at once and know that in some degree they all love me in return?