subject line: something Taylor Swift should probably write a song about.


hamilton, canada

It was a cold February morning when the guidance counselor pulled me aside. He asked me directly if I was able to handle it. I didn’t know what he was talking about. He clarified his statement, after seeing the confusion on my face, that he was worried about you. I knew you struggled with emotions, or more specifically the lack thereof. You told me exactly a week after we met, when the cold October air was making us frigid to our bones(but still we decided to endure it, while making the terrible choice of ordering ice-cream). I told the guidance counselor that you and I were a relationship built on strength and the love of God, that couldn’t possibly break. I explained to him that even though you and I were young, we had both dealt with enough trauma to fill up 5 life times.

You became distant during the spring, and I knew that your Hell had arrived and made a nice home within you again. You were wandering the school hallways when you saw me and told me it was probably best if we ended things. Holding back my tears, I smiled and told you I was willing to support you in everyway, including this decision.

You dropped out of school and stayed in your bedroom for the next few weeks.

It’s been a few months since any face to face contact, but I still cry when I see your name, or hear someone talking about you. I hear of you going out to parties and inviting friends over. I don’t want to sound selfish, but maybe that’s what this is. I am beyond jealous of all those friends you invited over(Some in which you hardly know).

I had never met someone like you. Someone who I would sit and listen when I was talking about theology or the last book I read. Someone who would do puzzles with me on cold winter days. Someone who would debate law with me in coffee shops at 10pm. Someone who would nap with me after exams.

But I guess I have to realize that this is fully over. It was never a break, or something temporary. We’re done.

I heard a HONY post say once that something doesn’t have to last forever to be successful, and I think that should be the title of our story. Our time together was full of laughter. We talked tirelessly about God, feminism, and what it meant to be alive. Our relationship was successful, and although I am still deeply saddened that you are not in my life anymore, I will continue to praise God for the days we had.