subject line: if you find this email, mom.

 

college station, texas

Oftentimes I find myself wondering what features you remember about me. Do you know what color eyes I have or if I’m right or left handed? Do you know that I’m horribly clumsy or that I hate mornings? Even more than that I find myself wondering if I’ve inherited any of these traits from you.

I don’t know why you left and for years and years and years I thought I was ok. I tricked myself into thinking that I never knew you, so I didn’t need you. But like they say, a girl will always need her momma. It’s just sad that I don’t know mine.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself wanting to know things about you. Do you like your coffee black or with cream and sugar? Do you like coffee at all? What are your dreams, your biggest desires? Are you an absolutel realist like I am? I. Want. To. Know. You.

But more than anything, Mom, I want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you and so does He. It’s ok that you didn’t know how to love me. It’s ok.

If you find this email, I hope your heart rests easy and feels a little lighter.