subject lines: the truths we never speak.

 

canada

Today I went to visit you. I sat there and spoke. I spoke the truths that I have held deep inside for the past year. The worries and the fears, the hurt and the sadness. I guess I have known my truth; our truth, but I haven’t wanted to, or been able to accept it. It was 24 days. 24 days after you proposed to me that you were hit and killed by a distracted driver. And what are the truths? The truth is that I never knew I could experience this kind of lonely. The truth is that I constantly worry that I am not making you proud, and I wonder if you are looking down on me and thinking “what did I love about that girl anyways?” The truth is that I never needed that ring or the house or the wedding or any of it. All I needed was you. The truth is that you would have been an amazing father and supportive partner. The truth is this isn’t fair. The truth is that I search for hope every day. For you, for me, for the collective we. The truth is I would do anything in the world to hear your voice one more time, hold your hand one more time, hear the air fill your lungs one more time. The truth is that I cannot accept that those wishes will always be just that. Wishes.