subject line: I wish you knew.


worcester, massachusetts

“Do you ever have those days where you wish you didn’t wake up? Because I just don’t want to be here anymore.”

I would never admit to anyone that I’ve had those days. It wasn’t the type of girl people thought I was. But to this poor stranger who asked me this at work today - I confessed that I had. I couldn’t let him feel like he was alone. Like there was something wrong with him and the way he felt. Pathetic. Lonely. Depressed. Anxious. Fearful. Defeated. All of the emotions that his brain was screaming at him to feel. All of the emotions that he couldn’t fight off on his own - ones that no one should have to.

He told me he was scared because he didn’t see a point to his life anymore. I gave him his drink in a fancy glass and listened to him for over twenty minutes battle back and forth with all of the contradictory feelings in his head. He was so close to giving up. I could tell. But he said he knew I was working and he knew I would make him feel important so he drove here for his usual.

He drove here to see me to feel important.

I walked away with my tear filled eyes and broke down. Because it only brought back memories of you - memories of your beautiful smile that stopped smiling one day. The day you decided life wasn’t worth the fight anymore.

No one should ever feel alone like you did - even a complete stranger.

I wish I made you feel important.

Rest in peace.