subject line: where are the normal ones?

 

atlanta, georgia 

I sat in therapy today. Emotional, overwhelmed, anxious. My speech was fast paced & jumbled. My therapist said to breathe. I kept going back and forth between my professional, 30-something year old self & the lonely, little 9 year old girl that had no one.

I feel that way a lot lately... Like that 9 year old. The 9 year old with deep dark family secrets & very few friends. And now I wonder, where are the normal ones? The normal kids that are now adults - adults with thriving community & love. Healthy adults.

I’m tired of the word ‘community’. It seems like it’s a pretty package of the ‘cool kids’... The 20-something’s all together through a church, book club, whatever. The ones with the inside jokes. The ones with a well-recognized name. They have someone to text or call or hangout with when things are great & when things are a shit show.

I’m exhausted from ‘seeking out community’... I don’t want this to be an email of pity. I don’t need that. I want to be sought out. Not for anything other than a consistent friend.