subject line: I wanted to send you this but I am afraid.

 

jackson, michigan 

I have spent the last weeks trying to convince myself that you will not matter at the University of Chicago. That you will not matter when I graduate from med school. That you will not matter when I meet a tall brunette with green eyes and a great sense of humor.

But the first thing I thought when I saw the pictures of UChicago’s library was “Wow. B would love this.” And I can’t listen to a Prince song without your crooked smile dancing through my head. And I still check your Twitter. And I still type texts to you daily but I can never work up the courage to press send. And I still regret never revealing my feelings to you.

I know that the future holds great things for me; I’m on track to become a doctor and to hopefully attend one of the United States’ most prestigious universities. But I cannot help but feel like I’m missing out on something incredibly special. I just pray to God that next year, when I’m crammed into my tiny dorm overcome by homework and alone in a new city, my stomach won’t still tie itself in knots over the boy with hazel eyes and frowzy curls that will have long forgotten me.