subject line: he's there. I'm here.


oklahoma city, oklahoma

I met him on a trip. Well not exactly. “Met” is a strong word. We met online, on tinder actually...whoops, and we talked while I was there for hours until hours became days. Now I’m home and we facetime and text all day. He wanted to see me while I was there, he wants to meet me now. He wants to fly across the country to be with me and to spend time with me and to know me.

I won’t let him.

I don’t know how to let him. I don’t know how to explain to him how scared I am. How being vulnerable with him terrifies me for so many reasons that I’m not entirely sure of. The realization that he would drop everything in his life for me rattles me to my core.

He is there. He wants to meet in the middle. He wants to come all the way to me. I have both arms out with my breath getting shallow as I try to keep him at a distance because getting close to someone isn’t something I’m sure I’m ready for. Being known by him, being seen by him, is all I want and everything I’m terrified of.

So I am here.