subject line: funerals.

 

chattanooga, tennesseee

Today I asked God bluntly, “Do I need to grieve over the loss of being married one day.”

The answer was immediately “No”, which is refreshing yet frustrating all at the same time.

As silly as that might sound, funerals for my ideas and dreams have become a necessity for me. For each idea and dream that has had to die, I find myself needing to grieve for them. For each one had a purpose and meaning to me. They each had a special place and sometimes funerals remind me of their worth and value at one point.

I want my dreams and ideas to know they were created with a genuine heart. Even if that heart was naive and only capable of seeing the pieces laid before it, I still wanted good for them. I’ve always wanted good for them.

So my request tonight morphs into this, “Must I grieve the loss of a future with a man who brought blood back into my veins and fire in my heart. Should I let go of the dream that his sea glass colored eyes will dance their way back into my soul.”

This answer, I’m afraid, is not so immediate.