subject line: red balloon.


urbana, illinois. 

It’s been a year.
I don’t care.
But I do.

I’ve thought about you no less than 14 times today. I miss your laugh. I miss your vocabulary. I miss your stupid jokes.

I miss waiting for you to text. I miss watching iMessage indicate that a long paragraph was on its way. I miss how stubborn you were. The way you would make an argument out of vocoder vs auto tune.

Sometimes I go back in my mind to the night I woke you up after I got home from my recital. I messaged you just because I wanted to say hi and bye before falling asleep. Once I realized I had woken you up I felt bad and told you to go back to sleep.
You insisted that you wanted to talk.
And we essentially talked long enough for hi and bye. But that night meant the world to me. I had a person. Someone who waited for me.

That night is 6 months old now.

It’s been 6 months since I’ve seen a red balloon from you. That little red balloon. It’s an emoji.

Who knew something so insignificant could make my heart feel like it could buckle under the pain.

I miss you.