subject line: Terrified of starting over.

 

fargo, north dakota

It has been like clockwork. Every day at 10:00 for the past 2 weeks. Today is no different. It is 10:32 pm and I am crying. As soon as I opened up my computer to write this email, the tears came out even faster. Half of my apartment is packed up in boxes whispering to me “your life is starting over in less than 10 days.” I am so effing terrified. This is my fourth time starting over and it’s the hardest thing. I fight back my anxiety disorder on a daily basis and packing up and starting over doesn’t mesh well with anxiety. i also feel like I’m going through a breakup with someone for the second time. How can you care about someone so much, but feel like they don’t care about you? I just want someone to take care of me for once. I want this starting over thing to be the right decision.