subject line: when you love your best friend.


philadelphia, pennsylvania

I never knew that this would happen, that I would feel this way. I could never see us as being more than friends. It crossed my mind once or twice but I suppressed every spark that came up, fearful and anxious that I would become just another girl to you. You were there for me when my heart was broken, when my soul was crushed. You were the one that picked up all the pieces and sowed me back together- I will be forever grateful for that. Those nights we would stay up until 2 am talking about life and love and everything in between are the nights that I will never forget from this year.

But then it got complicated. I started to feel the feels I told myself I never would. You kissed me, and I kissed back. I didn’t feel guilty about kissing you, I felt guilty that I would be totally okay with it happening again, just trying to get you to feel the same way I did. Since then I’ve learned that just because you like a boy, doesn’t mean he’ll like you back. Just because you hook up with your best friend doesn’t mean he’ll start to think of you the way you think of him. Just because you quietly wait for him, doesn’t mean he’s waiting for you. In fact, he just might be pursuing someone else, right under your nose. And when you find out that you’re not the last person that he’s kissed anymore and you feel like you’re going to throw up is the moment you realize that the person who stitched you back together now hold the knife that is tearing you apart.