Subject line: Likeness of trees or boys suck.*

 

swift current, saskachewan, canada.

He said this was home to Him. I said I still wasn’t sure. In between the coffee shop conversations, and the times He played His guitar like the whole world depended on it, I always thought about two things during those times; hands, and tree’s. It sounds wierd to say outloud, I thought about hands because his were always so kind. Rough, and tethered after long days at work, but still kind. I thought about the hands that we would both get to hold someday, and the ones we would miss out on. I thought about his hands and if I would ever have to miss them.

I thought about tree’s, the ones we’d planted in this city. Not real tree’s, but things that had the likeness of tree’s. Things like dreams and hopes and all those times we talked about the future, and changing it for the better. All the things we had asked God for under the weight of “someday” but never right now. The songs we would blare at two in the morning, and those late night bike rides to the creek that were nothing short of life changing. All these things were like tree’s to me. Tree’s that had potential to grow, but maybe never would. I think I was becoming ok with that, at least I was trying to be.

These conversations always seemed to end hours after we had planned. Through drizzling snow, and frozen fingers. It was the kind of snow we always said would make great pictures someday. This coffee shop never changes. always warm, always great music, always open. My favourite song is on now, the one you swore you always loved so much more. I’m trying hard to pay attention to your words, as you purse your cup of plain black coffee against your lips, I’m distracted now, it was those lips, maybe I was ok with that, and maybe I wasn’t anymore. Still listening as you talk about how your grandma knitted you the same scarf again for chirstmas., like she does every year. Still listening, as you talk about the coffee, and how your going to miss it when you go. still listening as we talk about what commitment meant to two people who had never really known it before. Still listening… when all I could really think about was the likeness of tree’s and that summer my whole world seemed to have stopped.